How do you show love to your children?

You may not personally have children but I am sure you have nieces and nephews so that counts too.  With the aftermath of the recent deaths of our youth not only in America but all over the world, the message that I hear in many circles and through the many various media sources is:  “How do we individually and collectively show love to our children.”  That is a very interesting question and one that needs to be discussed because I believe that many of those who do the harm did not feel loved or validated in there families and have a strong urge to act out to gain attention.  While I understand that that reason does not vindicate them or their destructive behavior, it certainly does bring a message home to all of us. 

As a parent of four children and a Grandmother to six, I believe I have the right to discuss this topic with ease and authenticity.  I have seen first hand how children respond when they feel threatened and how they behave when they feel and sense genuine love and respect.  Let’s face it.  We all want to be loved, respected and validated but too frequently it does not happen for various reasons.  I do not question the intentions of many parents but intentions are shallow if and when they are not followed through with genuine and heartfelt commitment. 

There are many areas of the world that are a nanny state, which means that the parents give some or all of their control to outside sources.  Then there are those areas where the parents have all they can do to make ends meet and are frazzled themselves.  We all have a story to share and an excuse to lesson our responsibility but at the end of the day, it is my belief that if I brought that human being into the world, then I am responsible for their care and wellbeing until they are old enough to be on their own. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having a strong support team or person to aid you with your children but that fact does not shift the responsibility.

I recently encountered the birth of two young children.  One was born strong and the other with some challenging shortcomings.  One went home from the hospital and the other is still in their care but the story doesn’t end there.  How many times have you heard stories of newborns with challenging moments who have pulled through with the loving and continually care and presence of their parents.  The mother or father were at the hospital around the clock and if they could not be present, loving family members took over to give love, support and the gentle touch and/or words that the newborn needed to hear in order to feel wanted and loved.  It is most sad to see a parent (s) who relinquish that role to another because they can’t or won’t sacrifice their needs to serve their own. 

These stories happen each and every day and until we individually and/or collectively begin to understand the need that must be addressed, we will continue to see the action and reaction of those hurt individuals who over time have a urge to express their emotions in a violent and vivid way.  Why you might ask—because their emotional pain is so intense that they have lost sight of any reasonable option for themselves – they only seek some form of release. 

Many of our children are screaming out emotionally and physically in an attempt to let us know that they need more love, emotional nurturing and the warmth of a gentle hug or touch that let’s them know that they are okay and even special and they want it from their parents.  Living in the fast paced environment of today only exacerbates the matter further.  Only a strong sense of values and a mindfulness will catapult us to create the necessary change in the world.  Yes, we can take away the guns but those creative individuals will only find another avenue to release their pain as they are set to get their message out.

I believe we need to change our focus from seeking the answers to those issues from the outside to the inside of each one of us.  We are already equipped with the necessary tools to remedy this problem.   Every man and woman needs to take stock of their lives and the lives of their family members.  Maybe someone in your sphere of influence needs your assistance in bringing back more emotional support to the family.  Love, caring and sharing in a wholesome manner never goes unnoticed.  Showing love and respect to a child is a marvelous trait but mix that with validating their reason for living and you are now overwhelmingly awesome. 

Joan Marie Ambrose

Author, Creative Writer, Motivational Speaker