Are you holding yourself hostage?

Are you raging a war within yourself? Renowned author, Lewis B. Smedes said, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." Life, in its most altruistic form, is a journey of self-discovery, loving, experiencing and practicing compassion in its simplest form: forgiveness. Think of this: If you were hurt by another, and then you continued to dwell on that hurt by not forgiving the action and rehashing it, then you would essentially be repetitiously striking yourself for the same wrongdoing. Stop beating yourself. Stop turning yourself into an emotional wasteland. Stop making yourself physically and mentally ill. Like Smedes said, you are imprisoning yourself by not expressing forgiveness and meaning it.

Remember that person who really made you feel badly about yourself? You know, the coworker or ex-girlfriend who gave you the shaft…the one you hate so much now that it prevents you from having any real, tangible and connected relationships with others? Maybe that person made you feel so terribly that it even prevents you from thinking clearly. And the feelings associated with that hurt actually make you physically ill. After all, that individual "made" you feel this way, right? WRONG! If you do not forgive yourself and that individual for the wrongdoing, then you are simply making life more difficult for yourself.

What I mean is that by harboring deep, negative feelings for someone or something, you are effectively empowering a ghost of the past to hold you prisoner. And it is beginning to show up with feelings of lack, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness…or worse still, headaches, stomachaches, muscle cramps…and more dis-ease.

Do not empower negativity. Instead, empower your inner self to override hurtful emotional feelings. You do this by first forgiving yourself for continuing to live in the past. The next step is to forgive the person or situation immediately thereafter. I am not saying you have to come face to face with that individual (especially in any abusive relationships), but you must free yourself and then free that person or memory from your life. You do not have to live in the past, nor do you have to stay emotionally connected to that past. Believe me, it is not easy. We can all relate to some horrible memory that we would rather never relive. The secret is that you do not have to relive your past. The fact you are breathing and living is a testimony that the human spirit can endure and triumph regardless of what the case may be. You have already physically stepped away from the memory, now you just have to emotionally step away from it. Shift your thought patterns in a more positive direction. Get out of that psychological ring of fire you have created, and start focusing on all the blessings you have right in front of you.

Today is a good day to begin the process of forgiveness. It is unlike any other day because now you have an awareness to the detrimental emotional and physical effects of living in the past. I know you can do it. If you need direction with practicing forgiveness, we can help.

Joan Marie Ambrose

Author, Creative Writer, Motivational Speaker