Do you believe that you are enough?

Yes, do you believe that you are enough, for no other reason but because everything is the way it is and that is okay with you?  Even I have to sit with that question and slow down long enough to ponder it.  I fill my time with excessive activity—but why?   Is it that I choose not to see the pain that I am causing myself or maybe it is the messages that I refuse to listen to or even the feelings that surface and I ignore.

What would my life be like without the drama that I seem to create?  Can I–deep within the recesses of my mind, think about that question and answer it honestly?  There are times when I, myself, need to ask that question because I realize that I am truly deceiving myself. Sometimes I find it difficult to face the truth—the truth that I am causing pain to my body by my excessiveness with food, with exercise with busy nothingness that fills my days and stops me from communing with my authentic self.  Can any of you relate to this?

Tonight as I was writing this blog, I looked at the clock and it was 2 AM.  I was not able to sleep.  I have over eaten this evening and was still feeling uncomfortable.  I try not to do this to myself but once again I fell into the trap of excessiveness so I guess I can say that tonight I did not believe that I was enough because I failed to say I had my fill.  Of course, then the movie picture in my mind plays a re-run and I begin to get angry at myself, yell to myself and even proposition myself. 

Part of me is mature and should know better and the other part of me is an unruly child who needs to be disciplined.  Interesting to say the least! 

Why do I do the things that I do—I decided to put me in time out—Like an unruly child, I needed to sit still for a while and think about my behavior.  I have been battling with my authentic self for a long time now about food—my choices and why I over eat and then get angry with me.  I know that I need to stop this behavior and I also know that it doesn’t serve me but then---I do it all over again. I speak to responsibility—choices and discipline yet I lack it myself.  This battle must stop if I am to be free from the inner conflict that I put myself through.

I have actually been praying for help and I think I have finally come to the realization that help is staring me in the face.  I know I have power.  I know I can accomplish all that I desire and I know that nothing is impossible to those who believe.  Now more than ever, I need to remain conscious of these truths so I, too, can experience all that I am seeking—freedom from excessive overeating. 

I am enough.  I have so much to offer to myself and others.  Yes, I am enough.  As I sit and contemplate those words, I think I have, for the first time in my life, begun to realize the depths of my power and the power of my strength to accomplish that which I desire.  I can embrace the void that I have created in my life and fill it with unconditional love, compassion and a genuine sense of caring as I finally awaken to the truth that I am enough.  I do not need to prove this to anyone else—I simply need to believe that it is so.

 
 Joan Marie Ambrose

Author, Creative Writer, Motivational Speaker