Children always listen better when spoken to softly

We all want to be spoken to softly.  I have always resented when I was commanded to be or do something that didn’t make sense to me.  I was often disciplined and chastised because I refused to fall into line yet when I was shown a better way or spoken to with respect, I was more than willing to listen.

It isn’t only the children who feel this way—we all do.  It is unfortunate that too many adults, bosses and parents dictate and demand that their way is the only way no matter what but in truth, everyone would be better served if the adult supervisor spoke in a soft manner that sent the message of : ‘Value what I have to say because I also value you.’  Angry words, derogatory words and  words that express hopelessness are destructive in nature and too often result in confrontation.

You and your voice can be an instrument of light and love.  You have the ability to express yourself in a fruitful manner---As I have said often communication is an art and a skill that needs to be fine-tuned and practiced with kindness, thoughtfulness, sincerity and calmness. 

I have seen leaders become overly dramatic when trying to get their point across.  In an intimidating way, it is received but more often than not it is resented, challenged and often ignored.

If you want to be an effective leader, communicator or example for others then it is imperative that you teach by example.   I have discovered that when the speaker speaks in a softer tone of voice, he/she forces the audience to strain themselves to listen with both ears and a closed mouth.  I for one can say that when a speaker shouts and yells his/her message to the audience, I zone out—I shut down and frequently look at my watch waiting for the appointed time to be over.   When you speak in a polite and pleasant manner, the other person is more inclined to pay attention and remain calm and enthusiastic. 

I have often found that some children will speak in a shouting voice as if to say that if they don’t yell, no one will hear them.  Then when they grow up, they have the same tendency because they are still trying to get their message across and it is as if their frustration level becomes exacerbated as their tension explodes and a screaming match ensues.  Other children are so intimidated and shy that they can barely be heard over a whisper.  I have one grandchild who will not speak to you upon her first encounter with you.  She is reserved, withdrawn and often appears to be frightened and when she begins to feel comfortable with the other person and the environment, she doesn’t stop speaking and you soon discover that the words that come out of her mouth have great meaning and purpose. 

My advice is model the behavior that you want to see.  Become conscious of the way you speak to others and don’t get involved in a yelling match.  If you find that you need to raise your voice, possibly the best alternative is to remain silent and say nothing until the other person vents and then—still say nothing until they realize that you are not willing to play that game.  If you can subscribe to that enlightened behavior you will soon realize that you are in control.  Then when you speak, your words have power and the other person is ready to listen. 

We are all children who want to be recognized and acknowledged but there is a proper way and a poor way to express ourselves.  “ Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”   --Napoleon Hill.   Theodore Roosevelt said:  “  Speak softly and carry a big stick;  you will go far.”

  

Joan Marie Ambrose

  

Author, Creative Writer, Motivational Speaker