Do you feel lonely?

Just yesterday I was part of a conversation where one of the women was expressing herself and her feelings of being bored.  She spoke for some time about not having friends to share the same endeavors or things to occupy her time now that she is in retirement.  While she is still quite a young woman in her 50’s, she is searching for excitement, adventure and friendship.  Just recently moving from one coast to another, as I have done, she is feeling that her days and nights are not busy enough to keep her satisfied.

As I reflected on this person and her needs, I started to realize that she is running from herself.  She retired because she was tired of the drill in an active technology business in Silicon Valley, Ca.    She is financially comfortable in her retirement and recently bought a lovely home in a close-knit community where neighbors are friendly and inclusive yet that connection does not satisfy her.  She doesn’t want to volunteer and she has no hobbies.  She recently left a relationship because the gentleman was too old and inflexible.  She searches the newspapers and Internet daily for organizations and associations to join so that her time is full of activities but she is still lacking.

It is my personal opinion that she is running from herself!  I believe that if she slowed down long enough to feel comfortable in her own space she would feel more fulfilled and more content.  How often do you meet people like this woman who do not realize that being alone physically does not necessarily mean that you are alone?

I am a single woman who leads a full life.  I have activities and joys that fill my days and nights and there is seldom a time when I feel needy or alone.  In fact, I have too much to do and not sufficient time to accomplish my goals.  It is my belief that loneliness is a state of mind.  We can actually be alone in a crowded room.  I know because I have felt that way many times in my life.  I guess because crowds do not serve me—I personally enjoy a one-to-one conversation that is meaningful rather than a crowd of party goers who speak in syllables that have little value or meaning.

So what does being alone mean to you?  Do you enjoy your own company?  Sometimes it is important to just commune with your heart and soul and come to an understanding of who you are and what you are meant to do to feel and experience fullness.  So what is fullness, you might ask?  Let’s face it—many people live alone today.

If you are one of them, then you know what I am saying.  I think one of the first steps in combating loneliness is realizing that even though you are living alone, you do not need to feel alone.  Like everything else in life, it is all about a change in attitude and perception.  Instead of feeling alone start thinking that you are content listening to your favorite music, sipping on your favorite drink and recalling your most cherish memories.  Possibly you have a project that needs your attention, a friend who hasn’t heard from you in a long time, a good book that is waiting to be read. 

Another question to ask yourself is:  Does having a relationship guarantee that you will not be lonely or having  a friendship guarantee that you will be content and fulfilled?  It is my belief that the more we crave, the more we push it away.  Stop craving or asking for your life to change and be fulfilled and start to heal the wounds within your heart and soul that feel a void and quite possibly empty.  Maybe the feeling of loneliness means that you actually feel lost in your direction of where you believe your life should move.  Finding direction could mean finding a sense of purpose or reason for living.  Quite possibly it is having a mission or discovering something that stirs curiosity or excitement for you.  In the end, I think that if you are a person who feels lonely or lost, maybe this is the time for you to work out the most positive and direct way of getting what you want out of your life. 

   

Joan Marie Ambrose

Author, Creative Writer, Motivational Speaker