When others ruffle your feathers

“Treat those who are good with goodness, and also treat those who are not good with goodness.  Thus goodness is attained.  Be honest to those who are honest, and be also honest to those who are not honest, Thus honesty is attained.”

--Lao Tzu

“Never lose sight of the fact that the most Important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people –your friends, your co-workers and even strangers you meet along the way.”—Barbara Bush

I have witnessed people being rude, cruel and even ignore those whom they don’t like.  We tend to feel either superior to the person or gossip about them to our friends.  In truth I believe it is much deeper than that—we are treating others in a poor and negative manner because we are hurting our self and are lashing out at anyone who appears to be inferior because they are easy prey.  In other words, we are exhibiting bully behavior possibly because we haven’t felt that we have been justly treated or even acknowledged in our life.  Maybe it stems from childhood—a word was spoken, a behavior was experienced or you were ignored and treated as though you were less than as if you were dumb and worthless.  I have seen how those feelings can lead to dysfunctional behavior in adults and that is unfortunate. 

We have all heard about the Golden Rule: “Treat others how you wish to be treated,” yet too often we forget it and behave badly.  It is never to late to change one way of behaving or one’s thoughts of impatience —it simply requires you and me alike to be conscious of our behavior and the way we feel before it starts.  I know that when I am in a shopping line and there are people with big orders in front of me, I get anxious.  I want to speak up  and demand that more cashiers be summoned.  My impatience often gets me into trouble and after the fact I feel shameful or upset because I lost control of myself.  Even road rage is a perfect example of how we have grown impatient with others. 

How often do we judge the behavior of others?  I realize that I absolutely need to stop trying to change people.  Some people cannot help themselves and I haven’t gotten that yet.  Then I ask my self the question:  “If God was here on earth with me today, how would I treat him/her if he/she were the cashier?  Would I love and treat that person with respect or would I be rude and obnoxious?”

One of the harder lessons to learn is that we are all different and we all have different talents, thoughts, ideas and ways in which to function.  In truth there is really no right or wrong way to perform, just the best way for you or me.  So instead of you or I trying to change others, we would better serve society and ourselves if we were more tolerant and less judgmental.  Just as God is the God of love and he wants to be our friend, s/he does not criticize or condemn either one of us, God simply gives his/her love and blessings and asks us to treat others as we wish to be treated.  

A self-revelation is sometimes good.  But let’s be clear, this is not about being down on yourself—it is more about being able to start feeling God’s love and mercy and when you feel those virtues and attributes, think how you can send that same energy to someone else who is annoying you through no fault of their own.   Compassion and a sense of sharing and caring about others is one of the best gifts we can possess.  Self-control and tolerance is a blessing. I know that I need to be reminded of those beautiful traits often.  Another revelation for me is that when I treat others with kindness, I feel good and happy. It is like a boom-a-rang—what goes around comes around.  I like that feeling!

 Joan Marie Ambrose

Author, Creative Writer, Motivational Speaker