We all die by our self but it is the living by our self that hurts

Some people are alone by preference and others are alone because of the choices they have made.  In either case, it is agreed that even the loner who prefers isolation to socialization enjoys conversation and friendship from time to time.  After all, we are social animals who thrive best when spending time with others.

Sometimes people get so caught up in their stuff that they have forgotten how to relax and interact on a level playing field with others. I have known some people who have been successful businessmen and women who were so busy keeping their image and persona in tact that they had a difficult time letting their hair down [so to speak] and enjoy the company of their peers.  One man in particular owned a large manufacturing business.  He was all  business in his professional world and when he got home at night to relax, he relaxed alone.  Not always because he lived alone but more often because his mood was grumpy, his attitude and behavior stated  “I don’t want to deal with you” and eventually that is exactly how others responded to him—they left him alone.  It really wasn’t so much that he didn’t like people but rather that he didn’t now how to partake in small talk and it made him feel uncomfortable.  His persona was rigid and people were afraid of him.  In fact, he smiled at that realization because he thought it was humorous.  As I watched him maneuver through life, I realized that when he wanted to converse in a friendly manner with others, he didn’t know how to drop the image that they held of him—his smiles were out of character and as he attempted to join in with others in a friendly conversation, it was awkward. 

The point behind this story is to bring awareness to you, if you are that type of personality, you just might want to change because the way others view you does matter.  It especially matters if you are looking to be part of the inside circle and not someone who is left alone on the outside looking in.  Be conscious of your behavior and the outward image that you want others to know you by.  Don’t box yourself in by making foolish choices that will stereotype your personality and demeanor.  Loneliness can be painful both physically and emotionally.  Research has proven that people who are regularly lonely are more prone to sickness and disease.  Loneliness can be cause by several different experiences and/or emotions, such as,

Lack of direction—maybe you just retired and haven’t taken the time to establish a game plan for your life after a career.

A sense of unworthiness or emptiness—You feel as though something is missing from your life and you haven’t been able to identify what it is.  I sometimes hear people say:  I never took the time to figure out what my purpose is in this lifetime.  Sad but true! 

An overwhelming feeling of remorse—you have spent your entire life taking care of others and now that you have the time and space to focus on yourself, you are at a loss. 

Some can feel lonely in a crowded room and not be able to understand why—possibly you lost a loved one and now don’t know how to deal with your loss because the object of your love is gone.

Maybe this is the time to seek help whether it is counseling or just some friendly interaction with neighbors, family or through community participation.  Don’t wait to do something about it until you are feeling ill and vulnerable.  Plan a trip or     learn a language that might be the catalyst for travel to a foreign country.  Don’t allow boredom to enter into your vocabulary or your thoughts, instead seek alternatives.  It is too easy to fall into the trap of self-imposed isolation.  Stay connected and want to be connected, once you have made some sound choices, you will begin to feel better and less anxious. 

Joan Marie Ambrose

Author, Creative Writer, Motivational Speaker